my foolish friend

i can feel her pain.... and it hurt me more seeing her in pain.. and i can't do anything about it.... i don't know what i am gonna do... it seems.... all my effort... for her to be alright was now gone....

i thought she's gonna be fine... but all of a sudden... she's broken... and it seems she doesn't want to get up anymore....

i want to help her... but she need to help herself too...

she need to stay alive... how? how can i make her burden easy to bear.... wakaranai... wakaranai yo!

she's such a foolish person!!! how can she ask me not to die... not to go away.. if she herself... go away.

ureshi!

I'm starting to understand myself now... little by little... im starting to know what i really feel...and i feel glad about it... i really am glad... dakara, i'll try my best to be me. i may never be my old self again but i assure you... as i continue my life... i will be a better person. thanks for the support minna! ARIGATOU!

Mou ii yo

I found myself crying so hard last night... not only that... i also find myself comparing myself to a lady... whom i know i am nothing compare to her....

Since the day I found out that my ex lover is dating my friend... yeah... my friend. I told them that's fine with me and I'm alright about it....

But last night? That prove me that I am not alright after all... Its funny how I feel sorry for myself...self pity.

Another funny thing is I gave advice to my friends about their love problem but now here I am having the same problem and can't do anything about it... o well... i know i have a solution to this problem but there are some clouds in my mind and i can't think right and i can't start all over again...

Perhaps they are right, as long as I have a connection to them... (they still my friend and they will always will) I hardly move on... For now, I put a space between us... and when the time comes.... when I know to myself that I already move on... then... I'll come back....

At first, I thought this thing only happens in movie, in novel.... but then i was wrong... it can happen to anyone else and thats the reason why I have a hard time to meet new friends.

I also found myself doubting people, I lose trust to people (some people ok?)

This is not me... I want to become me again... and with the help of my family, friends, myself and GOD... I will become me... and back to track of life....

I may lose a lover... but I will never lose hope...

Dont Hesitate

I have a hard time crossing the street near our office.... why? because there's no stop light nor police officer who can help me to cross....

It is dangerous to cross especially at rush hour... you can see speeding cars and other type of vehicle at the street near Meralco. I myself nearly hit by car several times, reason? Absent minded and hesitation...

Yes, we all know that being absent minded while crossing the street will do you no good. This may lead you to hospital or death.

Hesistation. I might get hit by a car if I decide to move forward and afterwards move backward.... that wouldnt do me any good too...

Same goes with life... if I decided to do something I really want to do i shouldnt hesistate and move backwards because all my effort from the start will be meaningless.... I shouldn't think of anything else but my goal...

Dont move backward just go on with the flow... I know life is hard but once you cope up with it... you can say, "Life is Hard But Happy"

fear factor

ive met my long lost friend last saturday.. together with my other friends.... i've told them i was invited to attend a party.... i love to come to a party after all its been so long since i attend a party... but i am hesistant to come.... why? cause there is a chance that i will see those two.

they've told me i shouldn't be the one who awkward because i didn't do anything bad to them... well... that gave me an idea... after all... they are right i didn't do anything bad to them besides the host invited me...

hmm... perhaps this will be better... facing my fears and other stuff... if i dont face all my fears then... it will chase me for the rest of my life am i right?

i know everything will be fine... it will... with the help of my friends and with my own will to help myself...and of course GOD hinself will help me...

here you lies...

ive found myself crying again... and there's a song in my mind i keep on hearing... you are familiar with this song... and its been my favorite song since college.... HOW COULD AN ANGEL BREAK MY HEART by Toni Braxton..

yeah... i ve been wondering how could he break my heart like that... and same goes with the song... ive been thinking about it too...

i should be the one he caress, i should be the one he hug and other stuff like that... i know i told them that im alright... yes i am alright but i can still feel the pain inside me... perhaps.. deep within my soul... deep within me i want us to be together again... but i need to waive off that thinking cause it will do me no good... i only end up m iserable and bitter... and i dont want to be bitter.. i want to be happy.

but now... since i decided to live my life again... i will find my happiness... im not that easy to kill. everytime i feel pain, everytime i have a near death experience... i will become stronger... i will!

but for now... here you lies in my heart... until i forgot my feelings for you... until that time...

Welcome me here!

wow! welcome me here people! im new here... well... this sounds to be the real me... i mean.. ive been missing a lot this past few years...

you know, games, internet, blogs and other stuff... i love read people's blog but i cant do that in friendster cause some of the blog there are not intereseted to read at.. anyway, this will be my first and official blog from now on... wahehehehehe... watch out people cause i will rant everything i want here... hehehehehe... ja na minna!