my legs are aching....

its been two nights now since i started to practice for our dance practice... >_< and now... my legs are aching...

i feel a little pressure when bok told us that we have to depend our title for being a champion last year...

aaawww man! the beat was too fast and i hope i can catch up with it... cause if i dont... then it will be too late for me... i may not gonna pick as a dancer (whoa! did i say dancer?!)

anyway... hope i our effort and hardship will have a good result...

oh! we will perform that dance number on single's night... yahoo!!!

wish us luck!

this is the day...

there are lot of things happen to me this last few days... a shocking revelation / issue...

a unimaginary situation... and unpredictable things happened...

last week ive got a chance to talked to my friend... he informed that my x break up with his girlfriend...

honestly speaking.. there's part of me.. saying "buti nga sayo".. the more i felt now was... pity...

i pity my x... yeah.. ive been talking about karma lately... and i think what happened to him was too much...

then last night... ive got a chance to talk to him...

my first approached was "i dont know anything approach" but when he said that his bestfriend told him that we have a conversation... then all i do was to spill it out...

he' doin' fine (thats what he said) but funny... i feel a burden.. i can feel his pain... and my pain too...

but i have to tell him something... i gave him advices... lots of advice.

then morning came... i got a chance to talked to his girl... but the girl didnt opened up anything she just said she want to say hello to me... and other stuff like she's very busy...

oh men! how can i avoid them? no matter what i do to avoid them... it seems that... they are... they can still find a away to get near me...

how ironic isnt it? so... i decided not to runaway or hide from them... i have to face them.. cause sooner or later... we will face each other... maybe not now... but perhaps in the near future.

things will gonna be work out just fine... i know it will

a letter for GOD...

dear GOD,

i know i've been talking about "karma" this past few days... i know in some way... he deserved that... and he was paying the consequences for the wrong thing he has done...


but GOD, please help him... help him to heal his heart... heal his memory... heal him LORD JESUS CHRIST... as you healed me.


i know he's not that good person but what happen to him was totally... i think its too much...


help him to learn his lesson... i know everything happen for a reason...

and for this girl LORD GOD.... i dont know what or who she really is.... i dont know why she've done those things... but please o GOD, help her too... to analyze and let her know what she've done were wrong....

help both of them to heal... to forgive...

i leave the rest to your hand GOD...

In JESUS NAME... AMEN...

TROPANG OP

last night... we had a household at our unit head's place...

the topic for discussion was soo cool...

its about friendship....

and here are the words...




SIRACH 6:5-17

² A kind mouth multiplies friends, and gracious lips prompt friendly greetings.

6

Let your acquaintances be many, but one in a thousand your confidant.

7

When you gain a friend, first test him, and be not too ready to trust him

8

For one sort of friend is a friend when it suits him, but he will not be with you in time of distress.

9

Another is a friend who becomes an enemy, and tells of the quarrel to your shame.

10

Another is a friend, a boon companion, who will not be with you when sorrow comes.

11

When things go well, he is your other self, and lords it over your servants;

12

But if you are brought low, he turns against you and avoids meeting you.

13

Keep away from your enemies; be on your guard with your friends.

14

A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure.

15

A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance his worth.

16

A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy, such as he who fears God finds;

17

For he who fears God behaves accordingly, and his friend will be like himself.

well... well.. well.... i can say that i already met those kind of people... for all those years i've met different kind of person....


some they befriend you because they need something from you....

but i can say.... i really do find a true friends.... not just i have my parents and my brother and sister... i also have "tropang op" to support me all the way... although we dont see that much... talk that much, text that much... all of us know... deep within our heart that we are friends...

we do give advices to those who need it... but the person who have that problem was still the last one to decide...

"do what makes you happy" our tropa's motto...

we stay beside them.... not behind... not in front of them... but beside them...

and... i will treasure... and i appreciate all those memories and friendship we had....

i am so blessed to have a friends like them... i really am blessed

the power of three...

"the power of three will set us free" - the charmed one



for me... the so-called power of three is "dont do to others what you dont want to do unto you"

if you do things bad to other people.... this will bounce back to you three times worst than you've done...

same goes if it is good.....


so... thats the reason why..... i stop cursing people... i stop taking a revenge....


yes i admit i am in pain... that the reason why i am writing this nga e....


yes i admit i am mad.... to both of them...

when i was in retreat.... our last talk.... our last speaker rather.... red a bible verse in psalm stating like this...


it is alright to get angry but dont sin....


so as long as i dont sin.... or i dont let my anger eat me up.... it was alright pa pala....

im not gonna kill them naman e....


all i want is for them to realize how bad they did to me... and... i hope they can be happy...


i hope.... they can really eb together.... forever....


i'll let my pain, my anger subside... but now.... i dont want to talk to them... to have a information about them or anything i would hear about those two....

although.... medyo ok na ako... at ndi na ako gaanong nasasaktan... pero i want to FULLY RECOVER for that incident.... i want a fully recover.... in mind... in heart.... in myself... i want my confindence back.... my self-esteem...trust to other people and to myself....


i want that back.... the damage has been done.... and there's no room for to cry for it and to undo things.... all i can do is....

to heal myself....

a vision of you...

yes you.... while i was waiting for my computer... i decided to sketch a little... one, two, three sketch was fine.... i've made a three sketch...

i take a rest... then... i hold my mongol pencil and once again grab my scratch paper.... i decided to sketch again....

i started in his eyes.... then... his brow.... his lips... shape of his face.... when suddenly i stopped....

i stare to his eyes.... i think i've seen these eyes before... (i thought)

then... i dropped my pencil....

after a few years.... i decided to draw a portrait again... but the portrait i draw this time.... was the portrait of him.....


yes.... him... my lost love.... now... where's the portrait? i trew it in trash bin... it doesnt mean that im weak....


i just want to move on...

a door and a window

truly i tell you... if someone closes door for you... definitely... someone will open a window for you kasi chismosa siya at inaalam niya kung ano ang nangyar sayo ... waheheheh just kidding...

nope really, if you feel like you are left standing outside the door... because someonel closed its door for you.... someone will open a window for you...

oh! hiw redundant i am.... oh well... so what will you do?

will you stay outside?

or

will you grab that opportunity.. you will jump in?

that may be a tough question isnt it? cause you will never know what IS INSIDE. or what's gonna happen to you after you jump in?

i tell you... you will never know... unless you try... and if ever... you find yourself outside again....

think about the reasons why.... perhaps there is something you need to understand and you need to find out....

sometimes, you have to be sensitive in other people's need...

and... everything happens for a reason.

time is chance as a friend of mine told me.... so better grab the chance or the opportunity you have...

pain is part of being human.... part of being alive.... dont cry cause it is over.... smile... cause it happened.

fist day high

o well... here i am with my "first day" here at the main office...

so many changes... so many new faces here... so many people... >_<


same old place... same old position...


aww... how i miss my freedom... >_<

on my free time

o well.... im spending my free time studying flash... yeah.. flash... im trying to work on sfc website and i want to use flash on it... and... im working with coach owel (my coach in dart) and a new member sign in... our tl in last clp... jun... we hope we can finish this site as soon as possible....


besides, i enjoy studying flash...

farewell gift...

what a farewell gift...


an officemate told my boss that i didnt help her doing our report... how can she say that!

i was waiting for her to tell what im gonna do... cause i dont know what to put to that report....besides... she's always absent! how could she! put the blame in me...

everytime she asked me to edit and print the report... i immediately do it....

ggrrrr.. it pisses me off....

anyway, i thank my boss for a lunch farewell he set up for me and my officemate.

other half

i feel my blood rushing through my vein. suddenly, i cant breath...

then a snap! im back to my senses.... i saw this girl standing in front of me... staring at me... as if her eyes are asking... "what are you doing?"

what's this? i can't look directly to her eyes. as if this girl is reading my soul... slowly... she approach me... i step back... im afraid of her... im afraid of her to get near me...

as she walk one step closer to me... i take two step backward... and the last step... its a dead end...

i told her to stay away from me... i told her i want to be alone....she hold me... and hug me... and i can feel her warm body... then she told me.... "cry my dear... cry as much as you want... if you can shout... shout it all out.... i know its been hard for you to keep all of this pain inside you. dont hold back... crying is not a sign of weakness. cry it out loud"

but i told her, "i cant cry. i dont know why i cant do it."

suddenly, i feel a cold breeze in my body... she's gone. but i know... she will be back... after all... she's me.

somehow, i feel alone again... im like a baby inside my mom's womb.. alone and cold in the dark... a spot of light was there but i was afraid to go there... i was afraid that i might not be able to handle that light... i am afraid to grab the light and fail.

right now... although im back from retreat... and my mind and body has been refresh... and i know what im gonna do... but still... i cant do it.

time is love....

hhhaaayyy.... i and my friend have a misunderstanding recently... ok a few minutes ago...

i was hurt when she said "i know you wont understand" its funny... does she really think i wouldnt understand her? o well... it was her opinion after all... she has a right to say whats on her mind... but still... nasaktan ako...

for all those times she's with me and said things to me.... does she think... does she think i didnt understand her at all??

yes i do understand her why she do that thing... cause i've done it so many times.... kasi nga naman bakit ko pa papahirapan ang sarili ko e dun din naman yun... i've done that so many times....

for me, time is a very important matter... time is not equivalent to money....

sabi nila... ang mga taong hindi makapagbigay syo ng oras nila... they tend to bribe you using money. buy things, gifts, flowers, treat you.. thats the reason why... people said... time=money.

time is a very important... i know you can never bring back time... but if you know how to handle your time.... it wasnt a waste...

time is love... you spent time for your love one.... and spending time to your love ones bring you closer together. people's transformation doesnt occur in just one snap... it also takes time.

back from retreat!

hei yah! how you guys doin'? just got from retreat... SWR Retreat at Villa Julia Silang Cavite...

we've got a great talk... and ive got a nice and sweet roommates... val and chiqui... they are so nice!

o well... the most favorite part of the retreat i love most was the talk taming of tongue... and the last talk... overcoming difficulties outside the community...

i found sister ahyenn a good speaker.... nakakatuwa kasi very realistic ang mga exmaples niya... and bro xernan... i found him very talented too...

i learned so much from this retereat.. from emotions and other spitual aspect... syempre dagdag mo na ang mga kalokohan at new words na natutunan ko courtesy of mike! HOPIA!!

and there's a creepy things happened there too!!

may "bumisita" sa last day namin dun!!!! pauwi na kami nun bumisita pa siya.. creepy huh?!

oh! another thing, we create a letter for our future husband.... and.... we sealed it with crayon.. melted crayon... and i decided to give it to him when i married him... so he will know.... i've been waiting for him to find me... and ive been praying to god for him all this time... ^___^ sweet isnt it?

to everybody who's beautiful

i've found this one at my inbox... a friend of mine forwarded it to me....

she's one of my cute friend... and has an angelic face too... so here it is... enjoy reading... though it is in our mother tongue... in filipino..

"Para sa Mga Magaganda!!!!"


Before, hinahabol kita pero di mo ako pinapansin.
Tapos isang araw nawala ako, hinanap mo ako at
tinanong, "Bakit ka nagsawa?" Ngumiti ako, "Hindi ako
nagsawa. Natauhan lang." Pwede mo kong lokohin pero
wag kang magpapahuli sakin. Pwede mo kong palitan
pero siguraduhin mong mas mahal mo siya sakin. Pwede
mo kong iwan pero siguraduhin mong kaya mo. Kasi pag
ako sobrang nasaktan, wala ka nang babalikan.

Ang Boys? Pag trip ka, magpapakilala. Kaibigan kuno
hanggang pumorma na.Tapos pag nahulog ka na,
ayun, goodbye na dahil sawa na sila. Pero dapat walang
iiyak at smile lang tayo. Punyeta, anong silbi ng karma?

I fell in love and got hurt but I didn't shed too
much tears nor did I ask him to love me again.
Instead, I stood up proudly and said, "Ganyan talaga
ang magaganda! Hindi bagay sa tanga!"

Simple lang para hindi ka masaktan. Kapag minahal ka,
mahalin mo din. Kapag ginago ka, gaguhin mo rin.
Pero kapag umiyak ka, tanga ka! Ginago ka na nga, iiyakan mo pa?

Pag iniwan ka ng mahal mo, wag mo siyang sisihin!
Kausapin mo siya ng harap-harapan at sabihin mong,
"Ingat, tanga ka pa naman!"

Masakit pag iniwan ka ng mahal mo. Pero wag kang
magagalit ng husto. Kahit papano may pinagsamahan
naman kayo, diba? Kaya for the last time
yakapin mo siya at ibulong mo, "Gago, kukulamin kita!"

Girls, talo daw sayo sa mga boys? Papayag kayo? Sige,
pag niligawan tayo, sagot agad. Pag iniwan tayo? Ok
lang. Kapag sinabi nilang, "Uy, ex ko."

Alam niyo sagot diyan? "Ay, ambisyoso."

If the one you love doesn't love you back, don't get
depressed. Just think about it for a while, maybe cry
a bit then wipe your tears and say, "Ang weird naman
niya. Di siya pumapatol sa magaganda!"

You only got one life so live it well., one heart so
take good care, one soul so keep it pure. One
boyfriend? What a waste! Make it two or more!

Sayang ganda natin!
Pag sinabi sayo ng mahal mo na ayaw na niya sayo,
hayaan mo lang. Wag kang iiyak at magpapakagago!
Imbis na iyakan mo siya, ngitian mo lang at sabihin mo
ang ganito, "So, pano? Bye na! Naghihintay na ang kapalit mo!"

Who cares about break-ups? Oo nga, masakit. Makirot sa
puso. Pero tandaan mo: a break-up isn't only an end
to a relationship. It's also a beginning of a new one
and an end to a living hell called "ex".

a dot of light shine in the darkness....

last night... i've got a chance to talked to caski...

his words really sooth in my mind.... its like a cape that protected me.... and... its nice to hear it... so nice....

it calms my mind... and it calms my heart.... he even asked me to cry it out.. to cry it out loud... cause... he said... crying is not a sign of weakness... a pain like that wont hurt me but make me stronger...

he doesnt want me to end someone we both know.... he want me to shout my pain.

but although i want to shout it out... although i want to cry it out so hard... i cant find a right place where no one will bother me while im doing it....

i cant thank him enough for those comforting words... perhaps... thats what ive been looking for in the first place... a shoulder i can cry for... a comforting words... someone who will protect me... and i can see it in him.... and to alvin as well...


all this time ive been protecting everybody.. ive been protecting people so dear to me.... i dont have a grudge on that or a regret about that.. cause i really do love to protect them.... and since, that talked... that conversation.... i realized even heroes need to be protected.... even heroes need hero.

and it felt so good.... it felt so good...

i cant thank the two of them enough... ill go out with caski... thats my way of saying thank you... ill try to smile and made my self better for alvin and to others who worry for me...

while i cant recover, will you be there for me?? will you be my shield? will you be my companion while im saying all my pain? i hope you will... i hope you will....

alone in the desert

have you ever experience waking up one day and found out you have nothing? nothing to look forward too... nothing to go to... nothing... as in nothing....

then suddenly, all you can do is to run... run as much as possible...

after running... you will realize you are all alone.... the environment you see is not familiar to you.... and suddenly there's a snap! you run so fast and you realize to yourself that you keep on running but dont have a definite destination.... you wanted to go back but can't go back because you didnt remember where you from.... in other words... you lost....

you wanted to call out for help but no one is there, you are all alone... and you can depend only to yourself in order to survive, in order to live.

someday, there will be someone who will pass by, who will help you go back to where you from. someone who can give you a hitch so he can return you to a place where everyone's waiting for you to return.

if that time comes, you will realize you were wrong... you have everything... you just dont see right through it.

drawning into darkness

darkness started to drawn me to eat me... inside out... ive been thinking of casting a spell..... perhaps i already did cast a spell unconciously...

i cant hardly see the light... or perhaps... i dont want to see the light... the light that can give me hope, strength... i've been here.... all along... here in the dark.... and nobody found me... perhaps... somebody is looking for me... but that person didnt look further... or perhaps i dont want to be found.

pain, sadness... ive been a slave of these feeling for a long time.... and i want to be free by these unwanted emotions... by these negative emotions that i have....

i want somebody who can bring a light here.... a light that i can see...a kind of the light that i can see even if i close my eyes... i want somebody who can pull me out of the darkness and even if i went back in here... he can still find me and look for me....

please... please find me.... and bring the light back in me... please...

my maple.. ^_^

finally!! i've got a chance to take a screen shot of my dear character in maplesea... hehehehe... that me... the kamatarichan character.. ^_^

i breakdown...

last night... i received a friendster meesage from a friend of mine saying the reason why im sad because i've red the testimonial of my ex to his gf...

i freak out and said it isnt my concern anymore and worse... i dont care!! i even told her i didn't even bother to red that girl's testimonial eversince i discovered that.... that... since i discovered their "affair"!

i breakdown and tell her to leave me alone and i dont want to listen to anything she has to say especially if about them...

i was mad... and upto now... guess i am... a boy friend of mine asked me last night about some stuff and i was mad at him, i really freak out.... and... i can see... still... i am affected to those things.... things.... that can bring back memories of their "treachery"... o men.. did i say those things?? treachery?? >_<

am i mean am i?? i sound bitter am i??

Bitter.... Sweet... Rain

well... well... well... what have we have here? when i wake up this morning... there's a sudden quote flashback in my mind... quotes of boys be... have seen that anime?

you see... in every episode there's a quote flash before it start... and the one that i've been thinking of this morning was this quote...

"Nobody can stop the flow of time, but a moment captured in the frame of the heart will never disappear. That will shown at the bottom of their hearts will always give off a great feeling... sweet... and bitter"


the reason why i remeber this one was the thought that my ex and i never had a picture.... we've been in each other's company for about... let me see... five years and everytime we always forgot to take our picture everytime e planned it....

although we dont have a picture.... i still become a part of his memory.... a memory which can be deleted or cant be torn into pieces....memory stays forever... and he and i have a picture of each other in our memory... in our history... in our story.... in our life that will stay forever.

it was raining here... its been a week since it start raining here... and rain... brings back memories... bitter... sweet.... happy... sad... success and failure..